Friday, April 17, 2015

Not So Brief Afterall

Hello, long lost friends.

I know it's been a while since my last post, but I just haven't had the time or energy to write.  I took off of work today and have been laying around (while doing laundry, showering, taming this mane of mine, etc...does that still count as laying around?) catching up on the DVR.  Before I head out to meet Alex for the baseball game, I thought I'd stop in and let you all know that I'm still alive.

However, it has been pretty tough around here - I want to say all the things, and nothing, all at once about that.  Instead, I'll compromise and try to be brief.

A few weeks ago (Holy Week, to be exact), I was sure that I was pregnant...as sure as sure can be without having a positive test.  It was the most ridiculously frustrating and confusing week that I can remember in a while.  Throughout it all, Alex was (mostly) out of the loop because I wanted to be able to surprise him with a fun reveal.  Thank goodness for sweet, patient, caring friends who listened and talked with me through the bizarre, insane week that it was.  I distinctly remember texting "Am I crazy?  Did I miss something (with my body)?  Did I sleep through a cycle? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?"  way too many times...Fast forward a (very loooooong) week and way too many tests (of various forms) later, sure enough it was not a pregnancy.  

To say that work is not going well for me would be a MAJOR understatement.  For the sake of protecting myself however, I can't say very much about that.  We really, desperately, even...need to get out of here.  Over two years into this and we have been more than ready to peel out for a very long time.  Again, more frustration, anger, hurt...the list goes on.

And while we're on the subject of struggles, I may as well mention that I am also still dealing with anxiety that began last August.  The last few weeks have actually been a little better in that department, but I fear this is something that is going to be a permanent fixture in my life moving forward.  It's annoying though because it inhibits my ability to do my job as well as I would like to, and I can't travel alone anymore.  ...This from the girl who used to travel all.the.time.  It's so weird to not be able to do something that was such a huge part of your life for many years.  So weird.


For whatever reason, finding answers these BIG issues is not in the cards for us right now.  I know we're not alone in struggles, but like I said before, perception is reality and that's what counts.  I'm not writing this to ask for pity or anything of the sort, but to explain my absence and ask that you keep us in your prayers.  Hopefully things will die down a little soon so I might have the chance to start writing again.

Until next time.
-Lauren

5 comments:

Ashley said...

Sending hugs and prayers.

Amy Salisbury said...

Lauren!! Lots of prayers, for sure! That must be so so difficult and my heart goes out to you! I hope you receive some peace and maybe even direction and help from our Lord so you can more forward and experience some relief from anxiety! God bless!!
Amy

Annery said...

Prayers!

Stephanie @ Blessed to Be said...

Ugh, sorry, girl. :( Failed cycles, especially ones that are wonky and get your hopes up, hurt. Sending hugs!

Rosie said...

I'm so sorry Lauren! Definitely praying for you :(