Sunday, February 7, 2016

On my mind.

Alex is out at a Superbowl gathering with coworkers tonight, and I've been home doing laundry while catching up on the DVR.  There are tons of thoughts running through my mind, and while I really don't want my blog to turn in to all baby, all the time, I really just want to get some of it off my mind.  And, maybe some of you experienced ladies out there will have some wisdom to share, as well.

-This pregnancy has flown by, and for that I am grateful!  However, it's also really weird knowing that your life is about to change in huuuuge ways, but the "when" part is totally unknown.  This could be my last full week of work, or I may not even make it there tomorrow morning (very unlikely).  There's just no way to know and that's difficult to wrap my mind around!

Custom crib bedding from Etsy arrived this week!
It's not the fanciest, but I love it! 
-Baby is still measuring very much ahead of schedule size-wise, and now doctor is worried its head is positioned in a way that isn't conducive to vaginal delivery.  She's been preparing us for a while that we may end up in a induction/cesearan situation, but that's becoming more real with each passing week.  We'll have a check-up and seventh (!!!) ultrasound this coming Friday, and a decision may be made then about scheduling either one of those options (as early as 2/15...EEK!).  I really want my body to do this on its own so maybe if you feel so inclined to send up a few prayers for us....that would be great.

-So speaking of scheduling... Maybe I'm weird but I really want this birthing experience to be sacred between Alex and I.  I don't want family or friends to be hanging around the hospital or even there to meet baby immediately.  I don't want to feel rushed to progress any faster than my body and baby are ready, and I want to cherish those initial moments with our little family and no one else.  My mom has pressured me to let her in the delivery (to which I responded with a big fat NO), and while I think she has finally accepted my decision, everyone still expects to be notified as soon as I see the first signs of labor. I have no interest in alerting the masses and would really rather just tell people after it's all said and done.  Everyone (except Alex) is making me feel guilty about it but I feel super strongly about I awful for feeling this way?

Jan. 28 - 36w6d
-On a related note, I also don't want people coming to visit and stay with us immediately either.  Again, maybe I'm naive, but there is one baby and two adults it really necessary to have another (or more) adult around to care for one stinking infant?  I feel like that's ridiculous overkill and I realllyyyy don't understand why my mom and grandmother (Alex's mom too) are all eager-beaver about wanting to come stay with us.  It's especially weird to me as far as my mom is concerned because she is NOT a domestic person and I feel like it's totally pointless for her to plan on staying with us since she doesn't enjoy housework whatsoever.  And I won't even get started on the idea of a mother-in-law staying with us for any length of time either.  But again........maybe I'm a terrible person for feeling this way.  (Side note:  I have talked to Alex about employing Fiske's theory on How to Postpartum Like a Boss; I still don't think it requires extra adults in our house, especially since we don't have any other children to care for at the moment.)

-And if I hope for my body to bring things on naturally, then I'm open for (pleasant) suggestions on making that happen.  I keep saying I'm going to walk this thing out of me if I have to!  :)  Doc says I  made progress in one week that takes some several, so that's promising.  So walking and raspberry leaf tea (which, I know is only going to strengthen uterus and not actually bring on labor) are my mantras right now.  Yesterday, we walked 3 miles (of hills, thank you very much!) at a local park and let C.J. run around at the dog park while we were there. I was totally worn out afterwards, but no pain, no gain, they say!

I am IN LOVE with this onsie...even if baby comes after Feb. 9. 
-So if labor happens this week, we're looking at the possibility of being in the hospital for Ash Wednesday - how does that even work?  Thankfully, we're laboring at a Catholic hospital, but fasting is obviously out regardless, but can I still receive ashes?  Same for laboring over the weekend (re: communion).  And what about if it happens on a Friday (re: abstinence)?  Then there's postpartum too... I figure I can still manage meatless, but what about other Lenten observances?  Is it strange of me to even be thinking about these things?  Talk about bizarre brain functions over here....

Mmm...okay, I think that's enough for now.  There are probably several other "issues" running through my mind but I think I've unloaded enough for now.  Here's to hoping for a productive and peaceful week, on all accounts!


P.S.  I know for some this type of post can be uncomfortable, difficult, or just plain painful.  Please know that we recognize this and pray for those of you who may struggle with infertility (any variation thereof) and/or infant loss.  Our hearts go out to families affected by these struggles each and every day. 


Jen said...

Oh my goodness, your belly got so big this past month! Crazy. I feel the same way about this pregnancy going by so quickly. With my last 2 I was SO READY for baby to get here...and now I'm like OMG I'm not ready! But I still have almost 5 months...

About everything else...I say it's your baby, your choices! I can't say I felt the same way about not wanting to alert the masses, but I can understand you wanting space and you definitely need to be comfortable with the situation. My mom actually stayed with us the first week or so with both boys, but I already told her this time that Logan is going to stay home instead and she's going to come the 2nd week post-birth (and she was totally fine with that!). I plan on postpartuming like a boss too (and can't wait!). The first couple weeks are actually (usually) relatively easy as far as baby is concerned (c-section recovery can be rough, though), and you'll probably need more help around week 3 once baby starts "waking up" and may possibly have colic or something. People just like holding newborn babies....just gotta remind them that the baby will be little for quite some time so they can wait a week or two if that's what you want. (Plus it'd be nice to have people on "standby" until you really need them) :)

Do remember, though, that this is the first grand baby for both, so you'll likely be put in some tough situations (ask me how I know, ha!). But make the best decisions for you, Alex, and baby, and don't be pressured into doing anything you don't want to do! (And now I'll shut up because this is the longest comment ever.) Love you girl!

Stephanie @ Blessed to Be said...

First, that crib!!!! LOVE!

Second, the final wait is maddening, isn't it?? Do whatever you can do stay distracted. Think of it as your last chance to have tons of dates with your husband (because it sort of is for a while) and just enjoy your time left as the two of you. I know, easier said than done. But it'll be worth it. And you won't even remember this wait once you're on the other side.

Third, don't let your doctors scare you with all the big baby talk. Those ultrasounds can be off by several pounds!! Seriously. They are not accurate towards the end of pregnancy. So if they get pushy with a c-section, just push right back. Baby will come when baby is ready! And if you do end up needing an induction (so long as baby is healthy, you can safely go up to 2 weeks post due date), look up gentle ways of inducing.

Speaking of that, sex is probably your best way of getting things going. Semen contains prostaglandins, which can kick-start labor if your body is ready. Pitocin (the synthetic drug used induce) is the man-made version of prostaglandins. Doesn't it sound more pleasant to do it the natural way? ;) There's also castor oil, which makes you poo your brains out, but can also get things going if your body is ready.

Sounds like you're already doing a great job of staying active! That is absolutely helping too! Have you checked out the spinning babies website? That will have lots of tips for things you can do to get your babe into position. :)

Also, once you're in labor, stay on your feet as much as possible! That will be a huge help in getting baby into the birth canal and into the optimal position. Most epidurals will prevent you from being able to stand, so avoid that as long as you can if you want a better shot at a vaginal delivery. (No pressure here at all! Just stating a fact. The longer you can stand, walk, squat during labor, the better. And if you end up with an epidural, ask if the hospital has a peanut ball you can rest on. It lowers c-section rates!)

As for everything you said about not wanting to tell everyone about your labor and not wanting people around right after baby arrives . . . YES!!! This is me to a T! I felt the exact same way. We didn't tell anyone about me being in labor until I was admitted to the hospital and 5 cm dilated. And even then, we only told my parents and John's parents. I wanted privacy and time to bond with our little one, so I'm glad that's how we did it. However, we made the mistake of telling my in-laws to travel to us (they were 8 hours away) as soon as he was delivered. I thought if we had 12 hours by ourselves to bond that would be perfect. Looking back, we needed more time. More snuggles, more sleep, more practice with breastfeeding. It would have been ok if people wanted to pop in for 30 minutes, but family wants to stick around. My in-laws stayed in town for 2 days and wanted to be with us every waking moment. For me, it was miserable. So keep pushing for what you know you need. Use me as an example if you need to! At the end of the day, all that matters is you three, so do what's best for you and don't feel bad about it! Trust me! You'll end up regretting letting people in too soon if privacy and bonding time is what you truly feel you need. Plus, once you're ready to let them in, they'll love meeting your little one so much they'll probably instantly forget that they had to wait a few days.

And finally, when it's time for friends and family to come around to visit, don't feel bad about putting them to work. Sure, let them snuggle the baby a bit, but definitely also take them up on offers to do dishes, clean floors, run laundry, buy groceries, etc. Your body will basically have just been through a marathon AND you'll be sleep deprived, so let them help!

Just my two cents . . . of course. ;P

You've got this, mama! Can't wait to see a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT from you!


Amy Salisbury said...

One suggestion that I have been given lots when baby's head isn't in quite the right angle is to walk up and down stairs (skip a stair so its basically like doing up hill lunges) and to spend as much time as you can on your hands and knees so your belly is hanging. I think this is where the "scrub the floor with a toothbrush" advice comes in.

As to the mamas and MILs. I haven't always been the closest with my mom, quite the opposite at times, but when I first held my child and felt that motherly love surging through me (which isn't always instantaneous but it comes) I definitely got a powerful understanding of OMG my mom loves me THIS MUCH?? my mom went through this for me?! HOLY COW.... and it helped me understand why all of a sudden she wanted to be there with me all the time. I think maybe its hard for moms to be close to adult children? but the new baby reminds them of their own love for their children and gives a good excuse to shower love and closesness with their baby and grand baby? Just a theory

As to mass and fasting and abstinence and all that. YOU ARE EXEMPT! If you are able to receive ashes (which are never an obligation BTW Ash Wednesday is not a day of Holy Obligation) or Communion from a minister who visits the hospital or a chaplain or something, definitely ask for it and thats awesome, but it's not an obligation for someone in your situation (in labor, having a baby, just had a baby, or someone taking care of an infant) And I am saying this from, well, I rarely (never?) miss mass. After both kids I went to mass the next sunday (they were born on a thursday and wednesday I think) but after Tessa (born Friday) I realized thats CRAZY. I can't even pee without help. I'm wearing an adult diaper practically for bleeding, I should not be going to mass. I wasn't going anywhere else either so that helped me not feel bad (if I were having visitors or going visitng to show off my baby I would have felt like i was just looking for an excuse to miss Mass) But as I was PPing like a BOss, I was in bed and stayed IN BED and felt ZERO guilt for missing Mass. And you should too. Look in the CCC - taking care of an infant is a valid exemption from the obligation of Mass and of fasting an abstaining. You will have lots, lots of little sacrifices to offer up, so don't worry ;)

Another giant comment... sorry :)

Hannah Gokie said...

Oh man, I have so many thoughts!

First off you look great and I can't wait to hear about baby's arrival. It's frustrating, those last couple weeks, not being able to know when things will happen and what it's going to be like, but the anticipation is a good thing too! Keeps you alert. I did tons of walking, took oral Evening Primrose Oil (bought at Whole Foods), had sex, and drank tons of raspberry leaf tea...but still had an induction. I think it's all up to your body - what was your mom like? My mom was 2 weeks overdue with all four of us kids and so was I with Kate. It's very genetically passed down so you might be able to get a guess from there! Otherwise stay active and you'll be fine.

Scheduling - yes yes yes! I was kind of obligated to tell everyone our induction time (disadvantage there) and then when it didn't work the first time around, we kept my parents and in-laws sort of in the loop. But I did NOT want anyone in the hospital waiting for me (too much pressure!) or anything like that. So after it was for sure that I was in labor, we cut off communication until the baby was born - and didn't call anyone to let them know she was here til 2 hours after she was born. Best. Decision. Ever. It helped that it was the middle of the night, but not letting anyone come see her til the next morning was great (and even then, my parents and family came wayyyy too early in the morning, but hindsight is 20/20).

Do what YOU need to do - you're the one going through labor, having the baby, all that jazz! David didn't understand that I didn't want to host his parents (who live out of town) for an indefinite amount of time immediately after having a baby -- I wanted to get the hang of parenting by myself without a bunch of pressure around to host/be presentable/not be leaking or breastfeeding without a cover, all that jazz! That being said, my mom did come over every afternoon to do laundry and hang out for a bit from like the 3rd day home for a week after that which was really nice. Felt awkward and my recovery was pretty easy (I was blessed!) but not having to worry about that stuff was nice, especially because David took some time off but not a lot (no paternity leave). But now after being a parent for over a year, I can definitely understand being a grandma and wanting to come see and squeeze that baby and help as much as I can! Just find a balance that works well with everyone and stick to your guns. Don't be afraid to kick people out!

If you're in a Catholic hospital, you should be able to have a priest come down and give you ashes, communion, etc. - most priests actually will come visit if you've said you're Catholic on your pre-registration forms (at least they did for us). Otherwise stay put! I made the mistake of going to Sunday Mass at the hospital chapel (literally just a 20 minute Mass) on our last day at the hospital while Kate was in the nursery, and I immediately regretted it. And for Lent'll be doing enough suffering/adjustment as a new mom that I would not give up anything for Lent! Maybe just try to add some extra prayer while nursing instead of Netflix in lieu of giving something up? :)