#s 11-15: Faith Category

I'm back for Round Three in updates for the category-by-category summary of my 20 in 14 goals list.  Click here for Goals 1-5 and Goals 6-10.

And here's the snapshot of Goals 11-15 (Faith Category):

Faith
11. Designate a person-a-day in prayer.
12. Rest in faith with practicing NFP as we TTC.
13. Receive the sacrament of reconciliation quarterly (at least).
14. Register as members of a church parish. 
15. Tithe to church (instead of non-profits) more regularly.

Overall, I think the items in this category went pretty well.  Excluding #12, the goals were very specific, and pretty typical of what would be considered S.M.A.R.T. (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-oriented).  Achieving these goals also didn't cost any money or require me to go outside of my comfort zone (except maybe #13).  So let's break them down:

11. Designate a person a day in prayer.  I'm really glad I included this one on my list, even if it did take longer than planned to implement.  (#oops) Click here to read a detailed summary of this experience.

12.  Rest in faith with practicing NFP as we TTC.  This is a bit of a touchy subject for us right now. Obviously we're not pregnant and we haven't moved forward with becoming a certified foster/adoptive home, but we have put thought and discussion into both.  I think one day I will write more on this topic, but for right now it just feels too personal and I'm not ready to talk about it here.  (Prayers are always welcome, however.)  Update (8/8/15):  Read here.

Designed by Kendra

13.  Receive the sacrament of reconciliation quarterly (at least).  I started out pretty well with this, and then sort of fell off the wagon.  Thinking back, I received the sacrament in March, June, September (I think), and November.  You'll notice that does include Lent, but not Advent.  One random weekend, the priest at our church gave absolution to everyone during his homily (I forget what the reason/occasion was), so that was unexpected.  But...then time totally got away from me and I didn't make to Confession during Advent.  Boo.  Now it's Lent again, so I need to make that happen sometime before Easter on April 5th...

Designed by Kendra

14. Register as members of a church parish.  I actually wrote about this back in April, asking for input on criteria for finding a "church home" (as I often hear Protestants refer to it).  Fast forward to today, we have settled on which local church will be home to us while we live here.  Mostly it came down to being located 3 minutes down the street versus almost 30, but that's neither here nor there.  These days we only attend other churches when the Mass times at our regular one don't work for our schedules.  Technically, we still haven't registered as members, but I keep telling myself to e-mail or call the office so we can figure out exactly how to go about doing that.  (A carryover for 2015, maybe?)

Just because it's funny.  (source)

15.  Tithe to the church (instead of nonprofits) more regularly.  Can I just say that I LOVE tithing?!  (Ok, maybe I'm weird?)  It's so fun to decide where to give our money too each month.  At certain times of the year, it's even more exciting to know I am supporting friends or family who have a particular cause/event that is close to their hearts.  I have gotten better about dividing the funds evenly between church and other organizations, even if that sometimes means everything goes to the church or other organization one particular month, and switches the next time.  I don't know what else to say except that I truly do get giddy feelings when writing those checks every month.  #callmeaweirdoifyouwant  :)

(source)

So there you have it, folks!  I committed to recapping 20 in 14 and it will happen!
-Lauren

Perception is Reality

I have a confession.  I've basically been avoiding this place like the plague for a few weeks now.  I wanted to post, and have been thinking about it but every time I decided to sit down and write, something else came up, or I just didn't feel like it.  It's been kind of a roller coaster of emotions for me lately, and that's never fun to write about in what is supposed to be a fun, upbeat type of place.

A little over a month ago, I posted an update about the results of my bloodwork, telling about the latest plan for having an MRI to assess the situation.  After having to reschedule, I was able to complete the MRI on Friday, August 8th, and received a call the following Wednesday from a nurse saying there was a cancellation for the next morning and the doctor wanted me to come in to discuss the results.  I was scheduled to be at a meeting an hour and a half away that Thursday, BUT...when you get that kind of call, you do what you have to do to be there.

Thankfully, Alex was able to rearrange things at work to come along in case the news was something really big.  As it turned out, I have a microadenoma on my pituitary, which is a really long way of saying that I have a benign tumor growing in my brain (on the organ that produces hormones and regulates body systems).  The "micro" (small) and "benign" (non-cancerous) parts are good, but the tumor itself is causing my pituitary to overproduce the hormone prolactin, which prevents me from ovulating, and therefore having amenorrhea (missed/irregular periods).  AHA - it all makes sense!

Anyway, I was prescribed 1.25 mg of bromocriptine, which is supposed to slow or halt the growth of the tumor, (hopefully) resulting in the resumption of ovulation and regular menstruation.  Due to some extreme warnings listed on the medication, I started taking it on a Friday night, with plans to go easy on myself over the course of the weekend.  I was scheduled to attend a conference in New Orleans starting that Tuesday and figured I could work my way back to normal activity by then.

To make a long story short(er), I experienced a panic attack while driving to New Orleans the night before the conference.  I'm calling it a panic attack, because it's the best way to describe what I experienced based on what I learned after it all happened.  All I can say is that it was the most terrifying experience and I hoped I'd never feel that way ever again.  If my friend and her husband hadn't been just 15 minutes away at the time, I'm not certain I wouldn't have been found on the side of the road unconscious...or worse.

Thanks to a team of really generous folks, several people stepped in to help me get to the conference, retrieve my car, and get both me and the car safely back home (5+ hours away) at the end of the week.  I chalked the situation up to the medicine and unfamiliar driving territory, thinking I was out of the woods and would be fine from then on.

However, exactly 10 days later, I experienced yet another panic attack.  For some reason (more familiar area, closer to an area where I could pull off, daytime, something else?), this "spell" was not as severe as the first one.  I did have to call in reinforcements once again, and was practically terrified to drive, as a result.  I even had Alex come with me to practice driving to West Monroe a few days later, and though I made it there...I didn't feel like I could drive home, so he took over after that.

Since then, the doctor agreed to allow me to decrease my dosage to 1/4 of a pill. (I was already taking 1/2 of the 2.5 mg pill, which is the smallest it comes in.)  I also managed to drive two and from work every day this week, which is a 30 minute drive, and no small feat for someone dealing with this degree of anxiety.  Fortunately, I became more confident and secure with each passing day.  I don't know if it was the decreased dosage or my ability to cope with sense of fear and anxiousness, but I'm grateful that I can at least participate in my typical routine.

I will say I asked Alex to meet me at a gas station about 10 minutes from home yesterday because severe thunderstorms caused my feelings of anxiousness to increase to the point that I didn't feel safe driving anymore....but by the time he got there, I had recovered enough to make the drive for myself with him following in the vehicle behind me.  For those of you who have never experienced anything like this, it really is hard to describe.  It's not just fear, it's the body's physical response as well.  I'm talking about a sense of impending doom, loss of control, dizziness, heart-racing, tingling hands, shortness of breath, nausea...the list goes on.  It's just awful, and I would never wish those feelings on anyone.

So thinking about writing about this has been very difficult for me.  In fact, I can feel the tears welling up as I read over what I have written here.  To some degree, I'm embarrassed, and feel like I'm crazy for even making this out to be as big as I have.  Is it psychological?  Maybe.  Is there maybe some PTSD left over from the first experience?  Maybe?  How do I fix it?  I don't know.

I do know this is something I won't be able to "fix" overnight, and it may take quite a while to work through.  It's frustrating because I have spent so much time on the road over the years, driving myself from wherever I was living at the time, home for holidays, summers, to see friends, you name it.  The thought of not being able to hop in the car and drive home for the weekend, or to help Alex make the 14 hour drive east to visit his parents...that's just totally unfair.  What about the countless days I have to travel for work, much less the times I'm supposed to be transporting kids in my car?  How's that going to work?  I just don't know.

If you're still reading, thanks for your patience; I know this was a long one.  I'd really appreciate it if you kept me in your prayers and just remember..."perception is reality."  No matter what this is, it's real for me.  Acknowledge my feelings, be patient, and let me know that it's all going to be okay...

Thanks.
-Lauren

#18 Bloodwork (Part 2)

About four months ago, I wrote about biting the bullet and finally getting that appointment for having blood-work done and crossing #18 off my 20 in 14 list.  We were all left hanging when a series of test results ended with another waiting period as I scheduled an endocrinologist appointment for mid-July.  I wish I were back to say everything has been resolved since the last post, but as life goes, that has not come to fruition.

I will say I was thoroughly pleased with the endocrinologist, as she spent a full hour with me gathering my health history and investigating each potential avenue.  In this day and age, what doctor spends an hour with a patient?  Not many, that's for sure.

When I left the office, the plan was for another round of blood tests - 11 more, to be exact.  I scheduled a follow up appointment for September (2 months later, mind you), with the understanding that it could be rescheduled earlier or later depending on the results from tests.  I was also informed that additional tests may be completed before the follow-up, again depending on what resulted from those tests.

About a week after giving blood...ahem...8 vials for the 11 tests, I received a call with the results.  Once again, everything but my prolactin levels were normal.  This time, my prolactin count had more than doubled from 35 to 71.5.  Eek.  The nurse told me the doctor wanted to schedule an MRI.  ...A what?  Yes, an MRI.

Fast forward 10 days, which brings me to today - the day of said scheduled MRI.  A bit nervous, but prepared to go at it alone, I made arrangements to take care of some work business in Monroe around midday, had lunch with Alex at his office, and then proceeded to Admissions at St. Francis North.  Everything seemed to be going fine, until I was called to the back and right there in the hallway the MRI tech told me I couldn't have the procedure because I indicated on the check-in form that there's a possibility I could be pregnant.  *FACE PALM!*

I knew I shouldn't have written in "not that I know of" next to the question about whether I could be pregnant.  I mean heck, I wrote the day of my last cycle on the form...it hasn't even been a whole month!!  Of course, I backtracked and tried to explain that I wasn't actually pregnant, just that there was the potential for pregnancy since we don't use contraceptives.  Yeah, that didn't fly.

Round and round we went, but to no avail.  The staff insisted I PROVE I wasn't pregnant (how the heck does one do that mid-cycle?!?!) before they would do the MRI.  Fine.  I'll take your dumb blood test (that's inaccurate, I might add) and come back again on Friday for the stupid MRI.  I just better not have to fork over that darn co-pay again...

OH, and I also don't appreciate the tech saying I don't practice "safe sex" (referring to the reason for having to reschedule).  Everything about having sex with my husband is safe!  Okay? Thanks.  (And I'm not quite sure whether her comments about how she thinks what we're doing is "so great," were respectful or patronizing.  Gah.)

Um so, yeah.  That's where we stand.  I'm tired of dragging this out.  Emotions have worn me out, and I'm just ready for answers.

Unfortunately, there is a great chance that this is only the beginning.
-Lauren

Update:  Click here to read the next installment in this story.  

#18 - Bloodwork (Part #1)

We're more than a quarter into 2014 now, so I figure it's time to get cracking on addressing some of my goals for the year.  Several from my 20 in 14 list are in-progress, but there are a couple I can write more about at this point.  Stay tuned for additional posts as I tackle the items on my list.

DISCLAIMER:  If you are a male and not my husband, it would behoove you to not read any further through this post.  It will contain a great bit of TMI, and I assure you, you'll be happier to turn away now.  You have been warned....

About a year ago, I gathered the nerve to establish myself as a patient with the local Women's Clinic.  My last appointment with a GYN had been in November 2012, and I'd married since then, so I knew I really needed to get this done.  Plus, my cycles have always been out of whack, and I wanted to figure out if there were any underlying medical conditions before attempting to conceive.

However, I totally didn't expect for there to be a six month waiting list for new patients!  Still new at work, I didn't have a good idea of my schedule six months out, so I decided to wait until the Fall and tried again.  Fortunately, the wait list shortened to four months by then, but it wasn't until February 2014 that I was able to finally get in.

The exam was unpleasant (as all are), and when the physician suggested hormonal contraceptives as a "fix" for my irregular cycles, I nearly jumped out of my skin with frustration.  Really, people?  THIS is how you "fix" things?  UGH.  ...Precisely why I loathe "women's health" practitioners to begin with.

After vehemently insisting that "birth control" wasn't for me, I convinced her to do a lab workup to see if anything was abnormal.  She also offered to do an (internal) ultrasound as a mechanism for ruling out polycystic ovaries.  The labs were done on-site before I left the appointment, and I agreed to schedule the ultrasound for sometime in the next few weeks.

A week later, I found out my CBC, TSH (thyroid), and testosterone levels were all within the normal range, but my prolactin was not.  The labs read a prolactin level of 40, where as normal is somewhere around 25-27.  The doctor wanted the test redone because sometimes stress (re: the exam) can throw it off.  I agreed to come in on a "stress free" day for a redo.

Of course, my impatience won out, and I returned to the lab the very next day.  (Is there ever a "stress free" day, anyway?)  The second round of tests came back and my prolactin dropped to 35, but was still higher than the normal range.  From there, the physician decided to refer me to an endocrinologist, for which the first open appointment will be in July or October.  (What the heck?!)  There was some discussion about having my levels "managed" by an in-house nurse practitioner, but that was taken off the table when the NP said she didn't know much about prolactin and wouldn't be able to do anything for me.

What is prolactin anyway?  According to the interwebs (we all know how reliable those can be), it's a hormone produced by the hypothalamus (in the brain) which has to do with lactation.  But I'm not pregnant or lactating, you say?  I know.  Weirdly, my online searches indicated an affect on menstruation, so maybe there is a tie to this whole situation after all.  I guess we'll have to see what the endo says in July.

Meanwhile, I did have that ultrasound, and the tech told me she didn't see anything abnormal at the time.  Sure enough, the doctor agreed, and so we're going with the assumption of no abnormalities regarding my ovaries.  There's one more thing off the table, I suppose.

And because we have already established my lack of patience, I decided to bite the bullet and move forward with using Pregnitude rather than waiting until after the appointment in July.  Jen (and several others she knows) used it successfully after just a month or two, so we shall see.  In any case, there's one thing crossed off my list for 2014 and that makes me very happy!

-Lauren

Update:  Click here for Part 2 and here for Part 3. 

Class is in session.

It's amazing how natural and comforting it feels to be back in a "classroom" setting. Alex and I have been taking a couple of "classes" over the last few months as we prepare for our marriage. I say "classroom" and "classes" in quotes because the courses are online, and they're definitely non-degree seeking, lol. Nonetheless, the courses do require "class time" and even "homework."

In August, we began a three-part NFP (Natural Family Planning) course online. The class was taught via web-conference, consisting of a teaching couple and two other student-couples. We met on one evening a month from 6:30 pm until about 8:30 pm. Though the course was offered online to meet our needs for being in separate locations, our series was actually taught by a couple in Natchitoches, Louisiana. It was almost as if we were taking the class in person, knowing our teachers really weren't that far away (and cheering on the Saints/Tigers was fun to share). Apparently, though, the other student couples were in several other time zones.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with NFP, essentially it's a course on fertility awareness. The idea is to gain a sense of awareness of one's personal fertility process (cycle) in order to avoid or achieve pregnancy. This means no artificial forms of contraception. On the flipside, it means we are saying YES to our health, yes to giving oneself completely to the other, and yes to living the way we were designed.

I must admit, the NFP course was more complex than I expected it to be. However, we're committing to it and with time (and practice), I have every bit of confidence in the process. By no means am I an expert, but I'd be glad to discuss or clarify what this all means if anyone is particularly interested. I'm sure I'll have another entry on NFP sooner or later. If anyone out there is practicing NFP, we really ought to chat (yes, Jen, I do mean you!). Drop me a line sometime. ;)

Our other course is an online marriage preparation course (catholicmarriageprep.com). For the same reason that Alex and I are unable to do marriage prep via a weekend retreat or through one-on-one couple mentoring, we felt it was best to sign up for another online course. The program in which we enrolled is approved as a valid form of marriage preparation through the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (UCCSB). I was actually surprised to find out how many dioceses across the nation are using this program with their engaged couples.

I think we've both enjoyed this particular course a bit more than the NFP one, mostly because it's less scientific-based and more reflection-based. Essentially, the course is structured in an independent study format, with a teaching couple that provides feedback on the lessons and assignments as we work through them. There are nine lessons, with a minimum total completion time of one week and a maximum length of three months. While the course does take quite a bit of time (average 4 hours per lesson - 2 hours for the initial session and 2 more for the feedback/review portion), it's mostly interesting and definitely informative. We continuously comment on how much we have enjoyed sharing this "Bible study" experience with one another.

Needless to say, our studies have kept us quite busy over the last couple of months. Finishing up the NFP course earlier this month freed up one evening of commitments that was quickly replaced with study time. It can be difficult to get it all done, since we spend at least 2 (sometimes 3) nights a week working through our lessons, while allowing ourselves to enjoy one "fun" night a week together watching our shows. Even though we're not in the same room (or city, or state for that matter...), it is nice to know that we have "us time" set aside several nights a week. This is especially helpful when we're both busy with other commitments and Alex is traveling 2 nights a week. (When you factor in 2 nights for his travels, and 3 nights for class, that leaves 1 night for "fun" and voila the week is gone!)

In any case, we're still trucking along, making slow yet steady progress toward our big day. We're now past the 10 week mark (69 days to go!), and we're eagerly looking forward to all that is to come. Next weekend, I get to have my first dress fitting (eek!), and we're also scheduled for another meeting with the priest, as well as our engagement photos (finally!). Stay tuned as we inch closer and closer...

:)
Lauren